icequeen59874

General Update because none of you are on my other journal

Wed, 27 May 2009 01:10:11 GMT

Oopsies, I tried posting in rich text but it seems it didn't take. Oh well.
Well I'm in love with this song -Major Tom by Shiny Toy Guns.

Life is pretty boring. Nothing much to say. Home life is stable for now. Still dealing with teen shit but I'll grow out of it as everyone says. I'm doing okay in some classes, others I'm failing. Don't feel like I fit in at school still but I don't know, better than the beginning of the year. Feels like a dream that I'm gone, so unreal. Hmm...I'm looking forward to summer this year. I'm staying in New York thankfully.
Hope everyone is doing well.

Following the crowd

Mon, 18 May 2009 20:34:11 GMT

No Order some relate to the same people and colour has nothing to do with it, I just decided to make it colourful.

1. I feel like I failed you, I knew once I left we would be over and there are so many things left unsaid.

2. I miss you, like a lot, I should talk to you more to check up on you but I don't, I always wait for people to IM me first and I know you won't.

3. It was nice seeing you again, the same girl I remembered from last year.

4. Its so strange to see who your friends are now, I would never have thought, I kinda don't like it but thats just me.

5. I never really liked you, I was always on her side not yours, I knew you both for about the same time but I knew her better. She was in my grade and I believed her story over yours.

6. I hope things work out for you and you find your happy ending.

7. I wasn't that great friends with you but I liked you, even if you were a tad violent.

8. Thank you for caring about me and telling me that it wouldn't be good for me but you would be there to help me. Surprised you two aren't friends anymore though.

9. Attention whore.

10. I've heard you changed, I wish I could see it for myself but I can't put myself through it.

I know its short, idc I have homework.

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 06:37:17 GMT

It's been too long.
Life is just oh so confusing atm.
Its weird finding out things that I would never have expected from people

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 05:40:59 GMT

Um yea
Jut posting I guess to say I'm still here.
I should do a worthwhile update one of these days. I usually do those on my other journal.
Uh holidays were okay. Didn't get any majorly exciting presents.

New icon

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 18:10:19 GMT

Today had just been awful. I don't want to go to gymnastics tonight because I know there will be questions. Lunch today was awful, as much as love Claire I hated her today. Can't she just let me be? She did for three years.
And then I just cant take being around. Its getting too hard. I don't want to break down but I will have to sometime. Why am I confessing to livejournal? I am really looking forward to summer. Almost 2 months away from home then work for the rest of the time. But then sadly back to school. I really can't believe I'm a freshman, it doesn't feel like it.

New Layout

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 11:27:50 GMT

I just had to get a new layout. This one is so much cuter than the last. It has a foxkeh, which is adorable.

I'm giving up

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 13:25:30 GMT

Sryss but I can't do it with you at least this time. 3rd day and I gave up. I feelt like dead and thanks to gymnastics it make me feel worse. Ill try again another time. Or I'll start again tomorrow.
Anyway,I hate bio

</ljcut>

Control is an illusion

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:25:04 GMT

4/7
Today was just shitty. It was bad. I hate freshman year. Almost everything I didn't want to happen has.

I'm in pain currently. But thanks to alexa for getting me advil from a locked cabinet when the nurse was out. It didn't really help though. I hated this past weekend. I'm glad I didn't tell my parents about my report card

I'm scared of showing my parents my report card today. I hope my father is home, who am I kidding, with my luck he will be. Blah. My lip is feels like its been shredded to almost ribbons now. I have to stop bitting my lower lip. Its a nervous habit. Wow a D I never thought I would get a D on my report card. I guess there are first times for everything. My grades are slowly dropping. Everything has just gotten worse. Thankgod I have school tomorrow

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 00:42:24 GMT

I was reading old conversations from a few people. I remember those times. How close we all were. How friendly we were. When we didn't gossip. When I was so innocent. When I wasn't a wreck. When we all were together after school. During the spring when we sat under the trees during lunch and afterschool.

I wanted to delete them but I just couldn't. I wanted to forget all those memories, times,
and inside jokes
...but I just couldn't.

I'm scared. I don't know why I'm putting this on lj. I don't like to admit when I get scared. But right now I am. I'm scared about when my parents see my report card, when they see what I've done. When they find out my lies. I'm just scared of what will happen next year.

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 14:19:26 GMT

I'm taking a break from posting in my journal. I'll be around and probably comment but I probably won't post. I just really have nothing to say.

Broken spirit and wounded wings

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 01:23:29 GMT

You hurt me more than they ever could. Thanks a lot. I supposed I learned something though.
---
Thanks for being there for me both of you.
Don't worry ill pull myself back together by tomorrow and be fine. I promise I won't do anything drastic

Are you happy?

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 20:29:05 GMT

You got what you fucking wanted.
I hope your happy now

That I'm broken

Today was just awful

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 03:21:32 GMT

It was fun
Quite a few people weren't there bc of sickness
I actually got sleep
On the floor
Thanks to tati
She has a sleeping bag and put it on top of the bed bc she couldn't sleep on the floor.
Well she never actually came back into the room. Oh and she sprayed some body spray in the room (w/o asking anyone) which made me want to throw up and gave me an awful headache and it seems no one brings advil on retreats. Besides that everthing was uninteresting. But we did go sliding on ice once.

I'm sick once again(did I ever get better?)

Its very windy outside and I can barely see the tree like 10 feet away from the house. I wonder if it will snow. It should

progress reports

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 18:20:50 GMT

I hate them
I got 4
Yay
Thank god I got them before my parents
I hope I can get my grades up
I don't want academic probation
I did awful on my latin
I sorta knew it
But somethings I blanked on
I love my english teacher
She is giving us a vocab test for a quarterly
I always do wonderful on vocab tests
I think I failed my math quiz today
I hate mrs.cochrane
Like really
I still have to do my global
Ill do it tonight
Along with bio
And health
Overnight tomorrow
I'm sorta looking foward to it
Ill be out of the house at least for a night

Math

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 04:47:19 GMT

I hate it
I think I'm failing
And I haven't even gone past the first part of my project (there are 4)
Its 11:42
The project is due tomorrow
I'm not going to attempt to do it
I don't know why
I haven't been doing much homework lately
Its probably because I don't get math
And it should die

I don't even know why I'm making this post
I think its the lack of sleep
I haven't slept in a while
Tomorrow I will probably be so tired
I don't want to go to school
I wish I didn't have to
I feel like crap
But I will have to go anyway

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 22:29:39 GMT

This week has been bad
There have been some good points but its monstly been bad.
I should never have promised buster bc I knew I couldn't keep the promise.
I know she is concerned about me but I just couldn't keep it
Carolyn your probably going to get mad at me
---
I feel that you know a lot about me but I know almost nothing about you. I consider you one of my best friends but I feel as if I can't talk to you
---
I think I am going to stop talking to buster. Because she doesn't help
I think I felt I had to talk to someone and I chose her but she is sorta making things worse
---
I haven't been sleeping again
I just can't
Or maybe I just don't want to
---
I really have nothing else to say
That's why I haven't been posting
I hope this week will be better

Its Snowingg

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 02:59:54 GMT

Yay
Snow is always pretty
It makes everything seem new again
We probably won't get a snow day
But I'm hoping for one

---
I haven't posted in a while
I think six days
Maybe five
Oh well
Today was kinda bad
No today was bad
It was awful
---
I was an idiot and sprained my ankle in gymnastics. I'm never doing a backflip again. (That's a lie because I will have to for competitions)
My neck hurts too
Quite a lot actually
---
I feel like I'm breaking down again
And I've given up
I don't care if they see anymore
I don't care what they will do
---
Why do you even care anymore about me?
---
You. Why? You won't talk to me bc I'm depressed? What the fuck? I thought you were my friend. But you don't know how close to the truth you are
---
I don't know what to make of you. Its like glaring at me one day then hugging me the next.
---
Angela's ashes is a pretty good book. Its boring in some parts but overall its been good. I like my new english teacher. She puts on an irish accent when she reads outloud and it doesn't sound so fake. We rarely get any homework in her class
---
I think I want to be another statistic
---
Mrs. Spollen is making us sing in religion. Its quite pointless.
---
I do hope we can be in the same group
---
I think I like livejournal a lot now. I've met some very nice people on here
---
I've decided I don't like gossip anymore
But ever since we stopped talked I stopped gossiping

Perfect

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 03:23:05 GMT

per·fect
adj., n. pur-fikt; v. per-fekt
onforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type

pure or unmixed

excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement

thorough; complete; utter

absolute

per·fec·tion [per-fek-shuhn]noun

the state or quality of being or becoming perfect

the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence

a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree of excellence

a perfect embodiment or example of something

I want to give you up and leave you behind but it will break my heart

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 01:27:22 GMT

Today was okay. It was boring. We built little crosses in religion from little twigs and thread it was quite fun because we didn't do any work

But last night was just blah. I showed my parents my report card and it wasn't the best reaction.
---
I'm annoyed at myself because I couldn't do my best in gymnastics today because I hurt my arm. I had to use the arm for almost everything I did. Like bars, and floor
I still haven't gotten my floor routine perfect. It needs to be perfect
---
Everything seems to be about perfection
---
I don't know my latin numbers
Or the roman numerals
I have no idea what they are
And the quiz is thursday
---
It scares me
This seperation between us
We both made it
You don't know me anymore, I don't know you
You used to, I used to
Back in the day
When everything was fine
---
I hate this math outline
---
I made you a promise I couldn't keep. And I bet you know I can't keep it. Once this clears up I will make it come back, make it worse, deeper, sharper, reopen sketched lines and you know you will see it again, sometime and the whole thing will happen again. I love working with a clean slate.

Sick

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 03:01:10 GMT

Blah
Today wasn't a good day

Oh wonderful
Today really isn't a good day
Fuck
Im dead
I can't take this anymore
And now its just worse
And report cards
I don't want to go away
Why did this have to happen?
Why?
Fuck
I'm never good at anything
I wish it wasn't a friday
I will now forever hate fridays
I'm sorta glad I didn't get my report card today
But I'm wondering what I got in global
I wish I could live with my sister and her husband
It would be nicer
I wish I went to gymnastics tonight
I should have
But I would probably be sicker
Why couldn't I have gone on the first overnight
None of this would have happened
And you
I'm at least tryingto be nice to you
Sure its forced conversation but I'm not a total bitch to you
And then you
I don't know you anymore
I used to
I wish I still did

Oh look

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 07:52:50 GMT

Its 2 30
Once again I'm up
I finished religion homework since I posted last
I found out I can't do math
Because my binder is in my locker
So I can't outline the section because I don't have graph paper
And I can't do the sheet because its in my binder
I'm not bothering to do spanish because its easy
And oh yea a poem
I have no idea what I should do my poem on
It has to be good because she is reading it outloud
Why does it have to be read outloud?
Everyone will know its mine because I'm the only one who was absent yesterday
It has to be short
Ill just write it at lunch
I wonder who I'm going to get the myth notes from when I go on the overnight
Yes I'm actually going this year
Unless I'm still sick
Then I can't
But I hope I get better
But this not sleeping isn't exactly helping
Oh now its 2 48
I'm getting sleepy
I'm going to try to sleep
I hope I can
I almost lost this post
I hitt he back buttom by mistake
Thankfully it was saved
I wouldn't have bothered to type it over again.
And its a new month now
I forgot
I guess I thought there was a january 32 or something

Interesting

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 05:51:19 GMT

That's one word to describe today.
So may interesting things lately.
Oh yea she isn't over it
So I'm assuming its not a quick phase
Please please don't say a word
Well tonight I'm to tired to put lines inbetween everything
I still have to do 2 math things religion questions and an english poem
I have no idea what I should do for my poem
I discovered when I'm nervous I switch to speaking in spanish
I should go now
Its 12 30
I have to finish everything
I'm sure no one really reads my pointless posts.
And I'm getting sick again
Wonderful
I thought I was getting better
Oh well
Possibly another post around 2?

Well

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 17:00:54 GMT

I'm anoyed now.
I had made a very long livejournal post
But then my phone shut down before I could post it and then it got taken away. So I'm going to try and remember it but I probably wont
---
I had written a poem yesterday in english. It was good
And it rhymed
And it fit my life
But
I've forgotten it
And I lost the paper
See how smart I am?
---
I'm scared to get my report card
Maybe ill just leave it on the front table and then hide in my room until the next day
That would probably work
---
I think i ve already messed up this quarter
Because I haven't done any homework
And the only one who noticed was the bio teacher.
Oh bio
Don't remind me
I got a 75 on that test
It was a good grade in her class
But its what a C?
That won't look very good to my parents
---
Yesterday I bought ribbon
2 pieces of ribbon
One is silver
It is sparkly
The other is red
Well shades of red
It goes from red orange to a really dark red like maroonish but more black and then it starts turning into red orange again
I can't really describe it
But its pretty
I wanted to put it on my bag
But it would get wrecked
Like the black ribbon did
---
I can't even keep a promise to myself
I said I would do my homework now
I guess I just don't care really
I didn't even bother studying for midterms
Not that I felt as if I knew it all but because I saw no point in studying
---
Yesterday I thought about my future like next month, next year, next school year
I didn't like it
---
I'm scared
Of your betrayal
I keep expecting it to happen
---
I haven't seen my sister in a while
I want to
Just so I can get away from my parents
---
I need more sleep
I can't live off this amount of sleep in getting
---
My phone won't let me change the time or date
So it seems it is December 31, 12 38 pm in 1999
---
I have no idea what to think of you
One day your nice to me
And the next you completly ignore me
---
Please won't you visit me again?
Please?
---
My wrist hurts
From gymnastics
I didn't do a kickover properly
I've gotten very good on the bars
And I've done a lot better on the floor
I can do the high balance beam but not the low one but they won't let me practice on the high one
---
Oh wow its suddenly January 30 at 4 58 am and its still 1999
---
I think ill go now
I'm slightly hungry
I think there is an apple on the counter
It was there last night

Midterms

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 14:19:58 GMT

I didn't do as well as I thought I would. Then again I shouldn't have expected a lot because I didn't study at all. The only grade I think I was happy about was spanish. We got back out bio grades and this teacher plays favorites. Some girl skipped like half the sections yet she still got an 90, um how is that possible? I hope we get our english grades back later. I think I did well. I hope I did well.
Maybe next time I'll do better if I study

New

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 04:44:53 GMT

Layout and default icon
I decided I needed a change